2006年 06月 08日

就業規則強化

ここのところ日本においてアクティビスト、ひいては“ファンド”と名のつくあらゆるものに対する目が厳しくなっていることは、こちらロンドンのマーケットでもそれなりの衝撃をもって受け止められている。無論私の勤務先も例外ではなく、先日ボードとHRがこの件に関して緊急会合を開き、今回の事件を他山の石とすべく、法令違反のような重大な事故を未然に防げるような内部統制をいかにして確立すべきかという点について、いろいろと話し合いが持たれたようだ。詳しいことはまだ一般社員には明らかにされていないのだが、各方面から漏れて来る話を総合すると、どうやら『法令遵守体制をここから更に強化しようとするならば、従前から実施している定期的なコンプライアンストレーニングのような直接的な措置のみでなく、社内の規律というかスタッフ一人一人の心構えといった精神的なものも含めて、社内の雰囲気を全般的にもう少しタイトな方向に誘導すべき』というような方向に議論が傾いてきているらしい。さらに社内取材を続けてみると、なんだか不可解・理不尽な類の話も多く、正直なところ少々気が滅入って来た。



Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

Lunch Break
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Dress Cord
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions,comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
[PR]

by th4844 | 2006-06-08 10:51 | London, UK, Europe


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